A tough guy celebrity stole my new handgun

a strange dream for a gray man

I had a fever dream the other night. I was not myself. I was the opposite of the gray man.

In the dream, I had recently gotten a new handgun. I was sitting in front of my small, oceanfront house (I don’t have one). I wanted to test my new gun, so I was shooting into the air (I have never done this). A car was driving by and abruptly pulled over after hearing gunfire.

To my astonishment, famed hypocrite, gun owner, and gun control advocate Robert De Niro got out. As he approached, my new gun was on the table and I couldn’t reach for it. He grabbed it. So I drew a concealed 5.7 (don’t have one of these).

I told Bobby D to get off my property. And he tossed the new gun under a shed as he ran away.

I spent the rest of the dream trying to recover it without success.

I’m not great at interpreting dreams. I certainly can’t figure out why I acted so unlike myself in this case.

I keep a low profile. I don’t advertise my radical positions. I certainly don’t brandish firearms where gun-grabbing celebrities might happen to drive by. I keep it gray.

But sometimes, I want to send a subtle message. The Branch Covidians have their masks, so why can’t I have an in-group signal?

So I made one. A tribute to a flag that the FBI says is a symbol of extremism. A way to politely remind people I just want to be left alone.

Even the great King David wasn’t above feeling like a worm. A noble, humble worm.

Pick up a shirt, flag, or outdoor rug. Keep it gray.